You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
I just realized now that you're pregnant we can't use alcohol as currency
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
Randomize
