I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
Found the puke drawer
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I can't believe you didn't come out. There was a duckling ON THE BAR!
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Randomize
