My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Randomize
