So my shaver died while I was trimming...ya know. And now it is half way done. I don't think there's currently any aesthetic in keeping it this way...
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
