you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
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I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
He started using my brother's rc helicopter as a beer delivery device. He's a drunk McGyver.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
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ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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