I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
...that's why he's not doing anything with his life except breeding geckos
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
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