All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I think a kid would responsible me up
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I had forgotten what new underwear feels like. It's as if angels descended from heaven for the sole purpose of supporting my junk.
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