i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
