i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
At some point we were all eating banana flavored rolling papers.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
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