I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
She always acts like she's doing me a favor with a hand job. I've been giving myself hand jobs for almost 20 years.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Just put on slippers before underwear so you know where my priorities are
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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