They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
being pregnant is like rehab
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Randomize
