I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Boobs speak an international language.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
