yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
And by pregame I mean drink heavily and watch Russian dash cam car crash vids
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
