He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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