Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
i ended up making out with my new neighbor in a stranger's car that we found unlocked on a driveway somewhere. apparently drunk self never say "no" to adventure.
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
