The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Randomize
