mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
