I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Randomize
