I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
there was a trapeze. enough said
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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