I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well regardless of where or with who you will be blacking out and i will be pouring shots down ur throat like a baby bird
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
