if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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