He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
So my dealer asked me if I wanted to join his circle because we smoked so much this summer he thinks we're dealing
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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