I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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