hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
