I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
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She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
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I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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