he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
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