how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Who the hell poured a whole pouch of Capri Sun down my throat last night?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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