Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
