i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
I found him with a guitar and his kitten in his room. He was singing a song he'd titled "you're a cat". Guess what most of the lyrics were...
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
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