in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Every time I see this chick she's swimming naked at a pool party. That's gotta mean something right?
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