if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
