It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
I had forgotten what it was like to go to all four classes. It's exhausting.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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