new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
Randomize
