you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
The guy behind me is talking about how his life goal is to use his knowledge of mathematics to make the world a better place. My only life goal right now is getting through this lecture without throwing up in my lap.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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