he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
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It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
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I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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