Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
If I'm going to risk life and limb to wear a Wings jersey to the Garden next week, the least they can do is win.
And the most would be ending up in bed with one of them.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
