We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
We were in the backseat and he was giggling uncontrolably. It felt like I was giving head to a 10 year old girl.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
