you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Randomize
