She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
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