Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
She yelled “outlaw country” right before we heard the police siren
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