I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
