you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
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