I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I guess our biggest consolation is that we haven't woken up in a hottub with a dead dude. Yet.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
I stole an accordion from the bar
Accidentally
I'm having ragrets about stealing the accordion
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize
