The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i would one night stand the shit outta him
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
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