My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
