Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Well I thought I saw everything and then I saw Christmas themed poop bags at Petco.
Randomize
