All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's totally ok to sleep with him. The only place I have feelings for him is in my vagina.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm not entirely sure that the guy that just texted me is not on drugs right now. I'm also not entirely sure that he isn't about to be incarcerated.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
Randomize