If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
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