I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
The man built me a fort. Of course he got laid.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
Randomize
