I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Is it wrong that im more embaressed about the karoke than the toplessness?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
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