Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
We're doing the donut challenge later. How many can we fit on his erect penis. Needless to say we get along well.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
at this point, i'm only going to therapy to get more free condoms
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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