the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
Randomize
