Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
