so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
just convinced someone I was a virgin. I love when people don't know me.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
God gave him joint rollers for hands
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
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