and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just fell asleep during a bikini wax. Thank god for day drinking.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
The landlord called, GOOD NEWS! Noise violation #2! Something about people singing and fighting with vodka bottles in the parking lot. Well done us.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
how does that bad decision feel?
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
