I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
i would like you to please flash back to us blacked out in the bathroom when you told me i needed to take one for the team and have a threesome with you and jon to help your relationship. you then told me you had no issue putting ghb in my drink to make it happen.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Adderall went through the wash. Took it anyway. Wish me luck.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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