I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
LMAO I like how "don't worry I'll bring chasers" is your way of assuring things will be ok
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
Randomize
