Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
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I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
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I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
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