Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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