thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
yo i have your phone
... oh so you probably won't get this message
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
Can we just focus for a minute on the fact that I HAD MY FIRST LESBIAN ENCOUNTER.
Right. How rude of me to inform you that you're going to be an aunt.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
We're too hungover to prance.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Randomize
