Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
Randomize
