A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
Randomize
